


nevermind i'll find

by pourpl



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anger, Angst, Canon Divergent, I have no idea, Implied Katt, M/M, Yelling, emotional purging, i dont know my heart still hurts, i dont really know what this is im sorry, implied allurance, no context one shot, past relationship, self-indulgence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 20:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17474279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pourpl/pseuds/pourpl
Summary: “Jesusfuck,you didn’t want me!. I told you how I felt. I tried to tell you foryears.And you said no. There was no decision for me to make. I loved you, alright? Is that what you wanted to hear?I loved you, Keith!And you didn’t love me back! So I had to move on! But yeah, it still hurts!Youmadeyourdecision.”Keith couldn’t even stutter out a word.“What did you want me to do? Did you want me to wait for you? Did you want me to sit around and wish on everyfuckingshooting star that you would feel the same way until it came true? What do you want from menow, Keith? Do you want me to sit by and watch you with someone else and be happy?”





	nevermind i'll find

**Author's Note:**

> someone like youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu~~
> 
> yeah i have no clue what this is, I was playing someone like you by adele on the piano watching klance edits and literally crying, and then i felt this urge to write something angsty and sad and you know you just get those random feelings like god my heart aches for keith and lance so much right now and i either need to consume something about them or create something about them and i did both. i dont really know what this is. it kind of created a context in my head but thats up to your interpretation. maybe i'll right more one day. who knows. for now its just this. sorry its weird, i dont know it was like this emotional purge that i was just like well i might as well post this i guess?

Keith had no other choice but to grab Lance by the wrist and yank him out of the room at this point. Even his wrist’s saturation matched the sheen of sweat on his forehead, making their connection buttery and way too susceptible to breakage. But Keith was not letting him go.

 

Once they got into Keith’s bedroom, he did end up relinquishing his grasp, however, throwing him in and slamming the door shut behind them. 

 

“Okay, what is your issue?” Keith said, folding his arms tight around his chest. 

 

Lance immediately averted his eyes. His hands were restless by his sides, picking at the hem of his shirt. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

 

Keith scoffed without any intonation of humor. “You know exactly what I mean. Why are you being a dick?” 

 

“I’m not being a dick.” Lance retorted, still keeping his eyes fixated on the chair behind Keith. 

 

“Lance.” Keith was stern. 

 

“What?” He finally looked at Keith, and they both released a breath that was bottled up. Just as Lance had feared, their eyes were now stuck. Neither of them could look away. 

 

Keith shook his head to clear it. He was not going to fall for that. He would not fall for Lance’s eyes. “You’re being rude.” 

 

“No, I’m not.” 

 

“Really?” Keith spat with indignance. “Because every time Matt opens his mouth your face gets all... _ GHH _ , and you just… “ 

 

“What do I do, Keith?” Lance shot back. 

 

“‘No, Matt, that sounds like a stupid idea.’ ‘Why would you ever say that, you dumb idiot?’ ‘Haha, you’re such a loser Matt.’  _ ‘Keith hates when people touch his hair, Matt!’ _ ” 

 

“You do!” Lance admitted. 

 

Keith threw his hands up. “That’s besides the point, Lance! And anyways, how would you know?” 

 

“What?!” 

 

“We haven’t spoken in  _ years _ , Lance.”

 

“So what?” Lance bleated. “You always hated getting your hair touched.” 

 

“Well, maybe I like it now!  _ How would you know?  _ There’s a lot of things I like that you don’t know about, Lance. There’s a lot of things that have changed!” 

 

“Clearly!” 

 

Keith let out another scoff. “Okay, what is that supposed to mean?” 

 

“I don’t know!” Lance folded his arms now. He darted his eyes across the room and out to the window. His voice dropped to a whisper. “You’re just a lot different.” 

 

“So are you.” Keith found his voice at the same volume. “It’s been awhile.” 

 

“I know.” Lance agreed, almost letting himself smile. “Everything is different.” 

 

“That doesn’t give you an excuse to be mean. I know you hate change, but you don’t see me shitting on Allura every five seconds.” 

 

“Okay,” Lance voice raised a tad. “Just because you’re not saying rude things to her directly, doesn’t mean you’re being friendly! All you do is glare at her!” 

 

“That’s  _ so _ not true! I like Allura!” 

 

“Bullshit!” And now they were back to yelling. 

 

“I have been  _ nothing _ but pleasant to her!” 

 

“Maybe you’re right. I forgot a glare is  _ just what your face looks like. _ ” 

 

“Okay, this is  _ not _ fair!” Keith screamed, stomping his foot on the ground. 

 

“What’s not fair?” 

 

Keith let out air through his nose, stepping forward to push a finger into Lance’s chest. “You don’t get to have a happy ending but hate mine. You have Allura. You have no business acting any kind of way towards my boyfriend. You don’t have a say in who I date. You don’t have a say in anything! You have your own person, and you cannot be mad that I have mine. That’s not fair. You can’t have both of us.” 

 

“What the fuck are you saying, Keith?” Lance’s cheeks were searing red and his voice was cracking, trying to sound assured but coming off terrified. 

 

“You made your decision, Lance.” 

 

“Keith.”

 

“You chose Allura.” 

 

“Keith, I…” 

 

“You can’t change what happened.” 

 

“You didn’t want me, Keith! 

 

Keith’s mouth clamped shut. 

 

“Jesus _fuck_ , you _didn’t_ _want_ _me!._ I told you how I felt. I tried to tell you for _years_. And you said no. There was no decision for me to make. I loved you, alright? Is that what you wanted to hear? _I loved you, Keith!_ And you didn’t love me back! So I had to move on! But yeah, it still hurts! _You_ made _your_ decision.” 

 

Keith couldn’t even stutter out a word. 

 

“What did you want me to do? Did you want me to wait for you? Did you want me to sit around and wish on every  _ fucking _ shooting star that you would feel the same way until it came true? What do you want from me  _ now _ , Keith? Do you want me to sit by and watch you with someone else and be happy?” 

 

“You mean what  _ I _ have to do?” 

 

“Keith!” Lance shouted. “How was I supposed to fucking know you felt like that? You have made it so fucking clear that you didn’t give a shit about me!” 

 

“That’s so not true!” Keith hated the hot angry tears that were streaming down his cheeks. “I was confused. I couldn’t deal with how much I cared about you. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I still don’t. But I never  _ once _ stopped giving  _ every single shit _ about you!”

 

Keith tried to stomach down the lump in his throat. 

 

“And I’m sorry if I ever made you think that I did.” 

 

Lance spoke after a few painful seconds of silence. “You were everything to me, Keith. When you left the team, I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand being away from you. I thought I was over you by now, but the second you showed up it all came rushing back. There’s this burning pain in my chest and I don’t know how I went all these years without seeing you. The knowledge that I spent that long without you  _ hurts _ . It  _ hurts _ . I never wanted to see you again, because a part of me knew that this would happen. I just didn’t want to see you. I didn’t want it to all come rushing back. I don’t want you here, Keith.” 

 

So Keith left, walking out of the door without another word, leaving Lance in his own room and walking out of the apartment, ignoring the faces of Acxa and Veronica and Matt and Pidge and Hunk when they saw his tears, ignoring Matt’s voice that called to him, ignoring the tug on his heart that told him to go back and say more of what he wanted to say, already hurting from the pain of letting any of it go. 

 

In his head his potentiated response played on repeat like a siren, bleating and painful and filled with so much emotion that Keith didn’t even know could be expressed by a voice in his head. 

 

_ You were my best friend. You were the first person that I ever really trusted. Not like I trusted Shiro, or the way I learned to trust my Mom. It was so different. You gave me these wings, they were constructed out of dust and paper and tears but they worked, and you showed me what it was like to go flying. I spent so much of my life trying to find something, and I realized too late that it was you. It was always you. The lion calling to me in the dessert, the sonic pull with a magnetism stronger than the Earth’s gravity. Your lion. It will always be your lion. She will always be you. You showed me so much about myself, you made me hate the world but love the universe that put you on it. You showered me with love that was intangibly beautiful, that I never deserved. No one could ever deserve you, and that’s what hurt the most. That I did least of all. I never deserved you, and I never could. You are the sun and the moon and the stars and the rain and the clouds that obstruct the sky but make it look so beautiful when the sun seeks refuge behind hills and turns everything orange. You can’t say that I didn’t love you back. Because I loved you more than anyone has ever loved anyone in the history of forever. I loved you so much I couldn’t handle myself. I couldn’t look at you. I couldn’t talk to you. Every time I heard your name my heart would beat through my chest and my skin would go warm and all I ever wanted was your arms. I just wanted you to hold me, and I just wanted to be enough, but I never could. I cared about you more than I could ever care about myself, more than I have ever wanted to care about anything, and I didn’t know what to do with that. No one could ever claim that I didn’t love you. I would have done anything for you, Lance McClain, and I still would. I would vacuum the stars up and bring them down for you and paste them on to your ceiling so you could keep them like you always wanted. I would capture the ocean in a bottle and put it on your bedside to keep you grounded. I would run a thousand trillion miles to the ends of the galaxy for you, just to come back to remind you how hard it would be to live in a world that didn’t have you in it. Of course it hurt those years we spent apart. But what kept me going was the knowledge that this Earth was still blessed with your existence, and that someone, somewhere would be enjoying the rich benefits of being in your presence.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
